a few hours ago i just lost control, too emotional, crying stupidly and got my asthma relapse. feeling like it's been a while since i never got that relapse. and obviously very shocked to feel asthma again after a while.
everything's just look so suck and fuck and bad and wrong and argh hell! can't take those problems anymore and really lost control till i got relapse. i hate this part like this.
sometimes life hurts you too much till you really wanna dead at that time. but sometimes life loves you too much till you really wanna live forever. it's crazy being so childish this time and suddenly become adult after few minutes. it's suck being so in love now and really hate them after few days. you never know what will happen second by second in this world. cause Allah has a really weird humor.
everything looks so blur. everyone looks so strange. thinking deeper and found out that i know nothing about this world and especially people in it. everyone looks very nice and the other time looks like a devil. trying to trust someone or something, but all they do just made me disappointed. trying to love someone but all they do just playing around me and my life. trying to cheat on someone, but they judge me like i am the only one become the devil. i was just like a new person in this old world with a special gift like two faces people in this world. who do they think they are? a perfect person? fuck!
i got boring with this game. i am tired of playing. i am tired to cheated or being cheated and i am definitely not a good cheater as good as before. cause i got mature. i want the truth, a certain thing not a blur one. too tired to find and thirsty to be find. yes! i am on that one!
so, i thought that i'm gonna be a nice girl in my whole life. it won't be hard cause i am already be that one since i was born. never know what this life gonna bring me, i'm just gonna follow the rules and play the game. the game that Allah ask me to play. not the game you are trying to ask me to play just to cheat on me beibih. cause i really love to life on a paradise, and i am trying to get that, amin.
go get a life! maybe tomorrow is the end of the world. the judgement day. make sure that you are the nice one like me :)